hiding behind desires
Be careful!
needs & desires could be HIDING your deepest wounds & patterns.
Some times.. what we think are our most known “needs” are actually showing you different and deeper needs that are harder to access. You just gotta look closer!
Let me tell you a story about what happened to me:
I was in a long term relationship with someone who wanted a monogamous relationship. I, on the other hand, was convinced that I needed to try being in an open relationship even before I met this partner. He was open to discussing the opening of our relationship in the future, although he wasn’t ready now. I needed to know for certain it WILL happen.
He didn’t actually want to explore being with other people, but he also didn’t want to lose me or carry the guilt of not “allowing” me to explore my own sexuality which he knew I wanted to do since the moment we met.
Sounds familiar?
I thought I had a need that wasn’t being met, and I was craving certainty. I was also feeling guilty for my own desires & confused because he was happy and satisfied with just us two.
It was only when this relationship ended & I obviously has, at last, my chance to explore open relating that I realised. And my discovery shifted my whole reality so hard that I spend two weeks in complete awe of my tricky brain, & changing my life’s paradigm
What did I discover?
That my attachment style was “avoidant” (we talk a lot about attachment styles inside Authentic Dating). And that need of having polyamorous relationships... WAS ACTUALLY A MASK to cover up my complete fear of commitment. That’s right.
I realise that I was so afraid of committing & saying YES to one single partner for a lifetime, terrified the shet out of me soo bad, that I had created this need for being with others so I didn’t have to commit to one.
Fast forward into the now, and I am committed & in love with my current partner with whom I decided to spend the rest of my life & birth a family with.
The insight? Pay attention! Not all is what it looks like it is.